September 2, 2012


YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN AN EFFICIENCY FLAT WHEN:

1.      You have a total of four light switches.

2.      There are four doors, one of which is a sliding door and one is the closet door.

3.      There are 15 total knobs/handles in the entire flat, plus of course, two door knobs.

4.      From your kitchen chair you can access all of the cabinet drawers (4) the microwave, the refrigerator, and all of the lower cabinets (3.)

5.      Sitting on the throne, you can do your business, as well as operate the washing machine, spit in the sink from brushing your teeth, and sort the clothes from the clothes hamper/bag if you like.

6.      You improve leg flexibility, as you train yourself to swing your leg around the corner bed post that you must pass to get to the bathroom or the living room;  otherwise you CLUNK your leg every time you pass and it hurts. (Missionaries are not supposed to swear.)

7.      Physical dexterity and balance is also improved, because on the far side of the bed, there is about a 6 “ space between the bed and the wall.  You quickly learn to get out of bed in the middle of the night very carefully, otherwise you might hit your head or your foot on the cement or plaster wall.  You also have to maneuver around the radiator heater and big old fan that are in the egress.  You might think, why don’t you move them?  Reason being, there is no place to move them.

8.      There are a total of four wood windows in the entire flat, all of which have peeling (probably lead) paint, have dirty moldy screens, and which may or may not open in case of an emergency, but which help maintain a consistent humidity level in the flat.  It probably would be very easy to break out if necessary.

9.      You have 4 dinner plates, which is plenty, since there are only two kitchen chairs.  When 2 guests come, a small desk chair is available, and one person stands at the end by the refrigerator, facilitating easy access to food that is kept there during the meal, because the table is so small.

10.   Energy is saved, because the TV doesn’t pick up any stations, so doesn’t get turned on.

11.   A car vacuum is adequate to vacuum the whole place.

12.   Two of the four light fixtures accommodate two bulbs each, but only work at 50%, saving additional electricity.  

13.   Six small pictures, framed in $2.99 IKEA frames, and two pillows is all the interior decorating needed.

14.   There are two sinks, a single small one in the kitchen, and one in the bathroom that could easily be mistaken for a urinal trough.

15.   An element of luxury is 16 electrical outlets, three 4 banger power strips, and one lengthy power strip with a cord that reaches anywhere in the flat.

16.   Nine foot ceilings provides for an open and spacious feeling.

17.   An electric wall heater, two transportable radiator type heaters, and a small space heater help maintain a comfortable climate, and double as the clothes dryer.